Im just a social blackout drinker.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
