i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
