Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
