Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
