I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
