Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
