I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
