Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
