that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
