Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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