i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize