My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize