The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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