I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
