nut hugger
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
