White coat. Heels.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
