Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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