I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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