He kissed a someone with a penis
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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