My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
