Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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