They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
