i don't like sucking hair
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
