yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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