so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
