Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
