I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize