I wish life had little blips of pornography
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
