Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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