I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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