we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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