i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
