It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
