I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
