I CAN MOONWALK!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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