UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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