hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
