he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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