He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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