dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
