Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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