My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
