I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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