i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
