I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
