I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
