Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This girl is more easily done than said...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
