Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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