i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
