how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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