In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
